exhausting

“If you have nothing nice to say, then do not say anything at all.”  This is a phrase that I have heard over and over in my childhood.  I wasn’t the best at it, and I still can not say that I to this day that I am.  But I try, and I promise to keep trying and try harder.  I do not mean for this to be a rant, and I apologize if it turns into one.

Lately, negativity has been wearing me down to no end, it is exhausting.  I hear so many people complain, gossiping, tell me things will not go right, that planning has been a waste or that things will not go successfully.  People this is exhausting!!

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)  I know I need to try not to let this negativity bother me, but instead turn to the Lord, easier said than done.  Also I feel like the Lord is laying this pessimism out right in front of me to point out just how ugly and destructive it is, to pull me away from it.  I see this brokenness in others and it is foul, but I know that this bitterness also lives in my heart.  Maybe this is the way that the Lord is making it clear to me to turn from this negativity and turn to Him.  We have so much to be thankful for yet we chose to bring down others, complain, moan and pity the little things.  Today I encourage you to bite your tongue.  “If you have nothing nice to say, then do not say anything at all.”  And I will strive to do the same.

Struggle

Running.  With running this ½ marathon, I am training using a schedule as follows.   I can’t take credit for this schedule (idk I goggled it), but I am proud to say that so far I am sticking to it.

Week	S	M	T	W	TH	F	S
1	4	3	Rest	3	Cross train	Rest	3
2	5	3	Rest	3	Cross train	Rest	3
3	6	3	Rest	4	Cross train	Rest	3
4	7	3	Rest	4	Cross train	Rest	3
5	8	3	Rest	4	Cross train	Rest	3
6	8	3	Rest	4	Cross train	Rest	3
7	9	3	Rest	5	Cross train	Rest	3
8	10	3	Rest	5	Cross train	Rest	3
9	10	3	Rest	5	Cross train	Rest	3
10	11	3	Rest	5	Cross train	Rest	3
11	12	3	Rest	2	Cross train	Rest	3
12	6	3	Rest	2	Cross train	Rest	3

The bold part is what I have done so far.  Yay it is rest day!  Up through this Sunday, which is the farthest I have ran in one day ever!!, it has been going great!  I have literally enjoyed ever run and didn’t have to walk at all during them.

Yesterday though, running 3 mile (which is pretty short, comparatively speaking) I hit a wall.  I really wanted to work on some speed, but instead I STRUGGLED.  I made myself run the whole thing, and it wasn’t too bad of a time at 36 minutes (not that that is good).  But no part of that run was enjoyable, I felt tight and sore after and it was just rough.  But I am glad I pushed through it.  I wore bad socks and I rubbed part my feet raw.  But thank goodness it is rest day.  This blog isn’t to complain, but is just to say that it isn’t always easy, but it is all worth it.  “Some sessions are stars and some sessions are stones, but in the end they are all rocks and we build upon them.” ― Chrissie Wellington, A Life Without Limits: A World Champion’s Journey

I pray that race day doesn’t feel anything like yesterday did.

is it natural?

¹⁷ Then to Adam He said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’;

Cursed is the ground because of you;
In ^[a]toil you will eat of it
All the days of your life.
¹⁸ “Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you;
And you will eat the ^[b]plants of the field;
¹⁹ By the sweat of your face
You will eat bread,
Till you return to the ground,
Because from it you were taken;
For you are dust,
And to dust you shall return.” (Genesis 3:17-19)

This will be a deep one, where I am coming from and where I am going I am not positive within this blog.  But what I am trying to contemplate is, “Is death natural?”  Part of me thinks yes, it is the most natural thing there is. We all experience the death of others, and we all know that our (earthly) life will end with death.  It is the one and only thing that we have in common, how it will happen isn’t in common, the fact that it will happen is in common.

But a bigger part of me thinks that it is completely unnatural, it is so the opposite of everything we face, day to day.  Ever other thing that we face, not that it is always easy or enjoyable, but it is life and living.  Where death is the opposite, it is the opposite of life.  When we personally lose someone close to us, it feels as though our world in some way stops, part of it will never be the same.  We lose the opportunity to ever be with that person again (in this life), all we have left of them is there memory and any legacy they left, but that is not them.  We mourn for them, we miss them, but (at least in my experience) we trust that they are in a better place.  Why are we sad for them if they are in a better place?  Well, I guess because we do not get to spend time with them anymore.

Back to the main point, is it natural?  Well it was promised right after the curse, “Till you return to the ground, because from it you were taken, for you are dust, and to dust you have return.”  (Genesis 3:19b)  So we can obviously trust that it will definitely happen.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) So death is natural, but mourning the loss of a loved one is very natural.

Isaiah 40:29-31

“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.  Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.  But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:29-31

I know I talk about running a lot.  It makes me feel strong and able and accomplished, that might be one of the reasons that I like to run so much.  If people tell me I can’t, I so want to and will prove them wrong.  No one can nor will tear me down when it comes to running, it is dependent on me.  I feel so much strength in running.  Running is physically tiring but psychologically invigorating.  This entry really isn’t going to be about running, too much at least.

I would so much rather be physically exhausted, and psychologically and socially invigorated than the other way around.  Being a social and conscientious person, adverse and negatives feelings and comments can really bring me down, this is something I really need to think through and take to the Lord.  I am a naturally defensive person, as it really bothers me to be brought down by others; I try not to let other people’s opinions of me really affect my mood.

I know the verse, Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  I know that I shouldn’t let other’s opionions of me hurt me, it isn’t their opionion that matters,it is only God’s.

Everyone is different and experiences weaknesses is different areas of life, we all have them.  But through faith in the Lord, we can trust that we can be carried through these moments of weakness, and rely on Him for “new strength.”  This new strength, at least to me, seems to be such a stronger strength.  To “soar high on wings like eagles….run and not grow weary….walk and not faint” sounds to me like beyond human strength, only strength that we could have with something or someone who is beyond human, God.

In times of weakness and exhaustion, be it physical, psychological, social or even spiritual we need to turn to the Lord, no matter how hard we work we cannot be solely dependent on ourselves.

GLORIOUS!

When I got home, my mom asked her usual question, “How was your run?”  My answer, “GLORIOUS!”  It was only a three mile run, as I planned, but wow it was great.  It wasn’t super-fast, but faster than I have been going, so that was good.  The road was soaked and puddly in areas, but the creeks were flowing so fast, and they were beautiful.

This run started in a way that I would have usually ruined or even ended a run, in the past, but not now.  I plugged in my headphones and they didn’t work.  Bummer.  I knew it wasn’t an issue with my phone but just the headphones them self.  But in the past, I would have just about skipped a run, if I couldn’t have music to push me through it.  But when I run with Brianna I don’t use my headphones, but I have her to chat with (probably so much that it irritates her).  And I recently had a really good runner friend tell a lot of enjoyment of running comes from not using headphones, you get to listen to nature.  And that makes sense, I really like the outdoors.  But I really thought that I need my music to block the sound of my own footsteps, my own breathing, and to block my mind from the run, but focus on something else and just run.

Also the while driving to the park, where I ran, I kept thinking of yesterday’s blog, okay focus on God, pray, do it to His glory.  And I was really thinking man can I do that while listening to pop music or rock and roll (not that I think anything is wrong with that, as I am listening to Hootie and Blowfish right now)?  But I then listen to the lyrics, and focus on that, not God.  So I guess God decided that if that was going to distract, He would just take away that distraction (I really don’t know if what was a God thing, but it really seemed like it was).

So music-less I started my run, and was like yea I can do this no big deal, won’t be my favorite run, but push through it and get it done.  First .25 mile is downhill, piece of cake, got it done before I hardly realized I was running.  And that is when I got to the stream, and the water was RUSHING, beautiful look and sound.  That was followed by the sound of a loon and woodpecker, which would have both been missed with headphones in.  Within .75 mile, I really forgot that I didn’t have music.  And that is when I was like dang, I didn’t know you could hear the trucks on the highway from here.  Oh maybe that is not the highway, I didn’t know a mac-truck would come back this park road, but it isn’t getting closer, what is it.  The spill-way, the water was flowing down the slip way so fast that it was making a ranging sound it was really neat to experience of the sound of it for around .75 of a mile.

After I lost the sound of that, I thought, wow this is great.  And that is when it started.  Thank you God for this run!  Thank you for the body you provided me, for this beautiful area to run.  And the thank you list went on, I just felt so grateful.  I wasn’t praying complete sentence.  It was more like Dear God, running thank you! And from there it all interconnected.  Running thank you, gifts talents, Brianna, Nathan and Holly, Mill Creek, Geneva, Dakota, my dogs, animals, nature, thank you.  And on and one, it may not make sense the order of the list, but it does to me and wow was I loving it.  Praise God!  So this went on for about a mile or more.  Then the last .75 a mile is up hill so the focus on the run came.

I really pushed to run this .75 uphill faster than I ran anything else that run.  It wasn’t easy but I focused and really got a rush from it.  It was a short but glorious run.  I really felt so able.

Also it was the first time this year that it was remotely warm enough to run with shorts on, and the cold water splashing up onto my legs was such an invigorating feeling.  So yes, it was GLORIOUS!!

Opportunity of Time

As you know our Pastor recently left to follow another call.  So yesterday we had a pastor from another church from our area.  Her sermon was on Daniel 3, and the sentence of “Whatever consumers your mind the most becomes your God.”  And at first I thought, yes I know the story of the blazing furnace and no I really don’t think I have an idol problems, and I thought that I was really quite okay at following the commandment of “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3) The common examples that people use, which were mentioned in the sermon, are money, power, acceptance, vanity, and so on.  And really I thought I don’t love those things more, than the next guy, or more than I do God.  But the sentence of “Whatever consumes your mind the most becomes your God.”  That really hit me.  I know there are things that I think of more often than I do God, so what are they?

Well the only thing that I really think has been affecting me lately is running.  I know that may sound somewhat crazy.  Running!  In no way is running bad, unhealthy, dangerous, or anything else.  But it is addicting, time consuming and thought consuming, so it can take time away from being with God.  Thinking through this, it doesn’t have to be an idol, though I just need to know how to proper handle my running and thoughts with it.

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:17)This verse can really come to life and be applied while running.  It is a time that I really don’t have to think of anything. Well over half of my runs I run alone, so that is plenty of time that I can spend praying and focusing on God.

Breaking down this verse:

“Whatever you do,” …. Running

“Whether in word or deed,” …. Encouraging others to run, speaking of my runs, or the actual runs

“do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus,” …. Seek to glorify God, as treating my body and a temple, and being honest in my runs, and giving it my best”

“giving thanks to God the Father through him”….  Running is the perfect opportunity to be thankful for the world I live in and the able body that I have.  It is also an opportunity to pray for those that are not experiencing the blessings that I am.

In light of running to apply Colossians 3:17 it can be translated to, When it comes to running, weather speaking to others about it, or the action of jogging and putting one foot in front of the other, I will seek to glorify God, treating my body as a temple, being honest in my run and giving it my best; during this opportunity of time I will praise God for His wondrous creation around me, and the blessing He has given me, of an able body, and pray for those not as blessed as me. 

I am truly going to strive to apply this into my running habits.  I will not be perfect in this but striving to improve.

….the purpose of the Lord will stand….

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

I do want to write, at the same time I don’t.  I have opened and minimalized this page at least 5 times now before I got the first two sentences typed.  It is not that I am overly saddened, but I am tired and I really don’t want to think about what I am about to share but I think it is important, so I am typing and posting.

Today a wonderful family, who many have been truly blessed by, is moving out of our community, and back to their home in Ohio.  This family has not only become close friends of mine, but it is my Pastor his wife and children.  They have played a bigger role in my life, and I am confident in others, in the last 3+ years than they realize.  I would be honored if you would join me in this prayer below praising God for them, and asking for His guidance in their lives.

All knowing God,

Your ways are higher than our ways.  You have the perfect plan for your people.  I thank you for the plan that you have in the Weller household.  I praise you for the people that they are, and the lives that they in all seeking your will.  I thank you that you blessed our church and our community with their friendship, the involvement, their guidance, their leadership and their love for the time that you have.  I trust that was glorifying to you.

I pray for them as a family, that this move brings them even closer to each other and to you.  Be with them, hold them tight.  I pray for safe travel for them and a sense of peace in this stressful time.  Lord, be with them once they arrive, giving them a new sense of home and belonging in their new jobs, and in their new community.  Help them to adjust quickly and smoothly.  I pray that Nathan blesses his new church as he did our church.  Fill him with your spirit and your will.  Also give him a time of rest in the time before he starts with the new church and help this to be a good time of adjustment for the family.  I also pray for Holly, help remove the stress in her life, as she establishes her new home and her new routine.  Be with her to settle into her new job, and time away from their girls.  I pray that the girls grow happy and healthy in this new area.   Help them adjust to their new home and new daycare program, help them make friends and always grow in you.  Lord, you know all things.  When we run out of words, you know the prayer of our hearts, so fill in the gaps.  Be with the Wellers in all places and all times.

We are trusting in you.  In Jesus Holy Name, Amen!!

B&B Day Dreaming

Today seems to be a Bed and Breakfast day dreaming day.  Can I really make this dream a reality?  Right now what I see as my biggest hold up is money.  But isn’t this all too often the case.  I know it will be a lot of hard work, but I think I would really like it, I mean it has been a dream of mine for YEARS now.  But things can change, dreams can change, and only God knows the future.  “I know the plans I have to you declares the Lord…”  Jeremiah 29:11). I really want to start making rough plans for this, and stop calling it a dream, but call it a plan, or a goal.  Really there is no harm in starting to plan; it is not like a need to take quick action on this plan.  I spend enough time day dreaming about it, that I could/should be using that time in a useful manner, even if my dream (plan) doesn’t come to fruition, I will at least know that I considered an looked at the option, rather than just day dreamt about it.

Crushes

I am thinking about are crushes, we have all had them. You know what I am talking about those butterflies while admiring someone from afar, and day dreaming about the “what-ifs”. And is this wrong? No I don’t think so; I think it is very normal, for single people to have crushes. What does the Bible have to say on this? Well the closest I could find is in 2 Timothy 2:22 “So flee youthful passions and purse righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” So again, I think it is very natural, but at the same time “crushes” are “youthful”. Youthful, naïve, childlike, and therefore should be outgrown.
A crush is very naïve, in the sense that you don’t really know the person, hence admiring them from afar. And as we develop as people, as Christians, and within relationships these crushes need to be fled from. Relations cannot be built upon a crush; they do need to be built on knowing one another, not being naïve on who the other person is. Time and understanding need to be invested. I am not saying that attraction shouldn’t be there, but it should not be an immature infatuation. Relations are built on “righteousness, faith, love and peace”.

Unedited.

It has become apparent to me that people are reading my blog.  Not a ton, but it is cool that it is being noticed.  But it also is starting to make me self-conscious that I do not proofread my posts, probably not enough that I will start editing them.  But enough that I feel that I should explain why I do not proofread them.  Am I just horrible at grammar?  Yea, maybe a bit.  Am I just lazy, that I don’t reread it?  Umm, well no, because I usually do reread them later, and find the mistakes.

The reason I don’t, is I don’t want to second guess my thoughts.  If I really studied it, or concerned myself how people would perceive it I would be seconding guessing my thoughts.  This would cause me to change parts, to make it sound better and make myself sound better.  I really want this blog to be raw, honest me.  So I do apologize that it is frustrating to read unstructured sentences and poor grammar, but it keeps it honest.  Hope you continue to read, thanks.  I do appreciate it.